A Strange Thing of Fiction

(orig. posted dec. 28, 2006)

Using All of Russell's 2006 Phrases, I Have Created...

Current mood: sick

Off the top of my head, with no proofreading, okay, 1 run-through, OK 2, I present this to you
(enjoy, i hope?):

I sit and contemplate, where is my fish? I look around me in wonderment, and don't see it. I thought I left the bowl over there…but it's not there. I look behind me on the bookshelf, but it's not there.

Then something shiny out of the corner of my eye distracts me. But what is it? My gaze lands upon…a robot!? What's a robot doing in my house??!! Perhaps it's the reason my fish is missing.
My roommate suddenly appears in the living room, seemingly out of nowhere. His eyes grow really HUGE as he also notices the robot. By this time, I have realized that it does not have any batteries.

"Don't be afraid of the robot," I say.

But Tony is not listening. I see a round, puffy cloud form over his head. Inside the cloud are bright colored blocks, of all sizes and colors, some stacked together, some separated into little piles according to their sizes and colors, some just haphazardly lying everywhere, within the thought cloud. Ah, Tony has legos on the brain. It all makes sense now.

"Tony," I say, "have you seen my fish?"

He suddenly snaps out of it, and it appears he notices me for the first time. "Livvy!"

I smile up at him from my place on the sofa.

"Everybody wants the same thing! Everybody just wants to be loved and hugged sometimes!"

I know he is right. I stand up and walk over to him. I wrap my arms around him. He reciprocates. It's as if he has just proved his own statement true by his actions. I am amazed, as usual, by my roommate.

"Tony, my fish," I say. I just can't forget about my fish!

"A-HA!" He exclaims. "I have an idea! Liv! Are you feeling dangerous?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh," I stammer. "I am feeling hungry."

"PERFECT!"

"Okaaaaaaaay." I am hesitant. Usually when Tony is in a mood like this, there's no telling what will happen next.

Tony grabs my hand, and half drags me outside. We jump into his car and off he zooms. I stare at him out of the side of my face, so he won't notice how intently I am trying to decipher his state of mind. Finally, I am confident with my assessment.

"We are going to Chili's, aren't we?"

"WHERE ELSE!?"

Of course. "But my fish!! Have you seen my fish?"

"There's no time to worry about fish, Liv."

So we sit in silence, as we drive to Chili's. I am pondering what is so dangerous about this place when we pull into the parking lot. As we sit down in a booth, I think about what I may have to eat. But I just can't shake this feeling….

"Tony, did you feed my fish to the robot?"

Tony pulls something out of his pocket. It is small and round and shiny. "Here it is!" He says, sounding sort of annoyed. "Here is your fish."

"Um, that's NOT my fish. That is a nickel." I mutter under my breath. Now I am really concerned. There is something wrong with Tony! This is NOT Tony. This … is … a ROBOT! OH NO! Tony has been overtaken by a robot!

It all makes sense now. The tiny battery-less robot in my living room served as a distraction from the real issue here!

'Act normal,' I tell myself. 'Don't let on that you know.'

I pick up the menu and pretend to scan through it. "What are you planning on ordering? The USUAL?"

Just as I suspected, the robot looks confused. I had caught it! It didn't know what Tony's "usual" was. "YES!" It yelps, a little too eagerly. "The USUAL. Of course! What else!?"

I laugh to myself, inside my head so the robot won't notice. I could let "it" suffer or I could "be nice." Since I'm not sure what has actually happened to my roommate (or my fish!) I decide to go the suffering route.

"Mashed potatoes can be your friend, Tony," I say.

A look of relief came across "Tony's" face. "Ah, yes, of course they can!"

A-ha! Tony hates mashed potatoes. Now that I am sure this is not my roommate seated in the booth across from me, how am I going to prove it? And where is my fish?

To be continued…

(the phrases were:
That's not my fish.
Are you feeling dangerous?
Mashed potatoes can be your friend.
Everybody wants the same thing.
Don't be afraid of the robot.
Legos on the brain.)