You might think you have the corner market on the game
But you would be wrong
You might think the game is just for special people
But it is not
You might think you are the only one who knows the rules
But I know them
You might think you are so special just because you play
But Anyone can play the game
So you think you made up this game?
You didn't
So you think you are the master of the game?
Yeah, right
So you think you've got a big fat game-like secret?
Everybody knows it
And Anyone can play the game
What is the big deal with the game anyway
You are just being possessive
Aren't games more fun with more than one player
You are being a bit childish
Don't you see it's more fun with two
And a party with three
Aren't we all adults here anyway?
See, anyone can play the game, and
You are going to have to just deal with it.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Walking is Much More Dangerous than You Think
Walking to the store would be a breeze. No big deal, right? It's not THAT far away. Only a mile. Just one itty bitty mile.
Then why was Mandy making it into such a BIG DEAL.
Well, it was raining, for one. Again. Walking in the rain isn't as fun as the Movie People would have you believe.
Also, what if she got so hungry that she became weak? Weak! With Hunger! Never mind that she would be walking TO THE GROCERY STORE. What if she couldn't get there soon enough? What if her blood sugars were so low that she hallucinated that she was seeing gigantic donuts floating past her, and maybe she'd even faint? What, then? That does not seem like a very productive walk, now does it?
So, she could take a snack with her. Maybe some peanuts, or almonds. Put them in her pocket, lace up her tennies, and hit the road. Even take an umbrella with her. Like the Uber Prepared Woman, or something. That could even be her super hero name.
But, what if she is walking along, enjoying the walk even, and she's snacking on her peanuts, and she gets almost to the store, when she realizes that she left her money at home! And now she is out of peanuts, and all she wants to do is get something to drink, she's so thirsty, and use the bathroom, but there is no facility around, and there's that stupid floating donut again!
"Hey, Donut! Woo-hoo, over here, Donut!"
"I could really use a hand, Donut!"
Rude donuts, who invited them on this walk anyway?
So, now she is talking to the imaginary floating donuts, and she has lost her umbrella, and she should have brought a backpack with, like, snacks, and a bottle of water inside, you know, so she would really be prepared, but she was trying to just, you know, WING IT, and be spontaneous, and enjoy the weather. Only it's raining, and she's thirsty, and broke! And she forgot her cell phone and her housekey on the kitchen counter.
Nice one, Mandy. Real nice.
So she's limping by this old guy, this old guy walking his weiner dog, and he seems friendly enough, like maybe he'd be willing to help a poor, dehydrated, unprepared girl, to protect her from the elements, from the big bad scary rainstorm, and let's not forget about the donuts, shall we?
"H-hey, Mister..."
"Mister, Mister... um .... are those donuts going my way?"
Then why was Mandy making it into such a BIG DEAL.
Well, it was raining, for one. Again. Walking in the rain isn't as fun as the Movie People would have you believe.
Also, what if she got so hungry that she became weak? Weak! With Hunger! Never mind that she would be walking TO THE GROCERY STORE. What if she couldn't get there soon enough? What if her blood sugars were so low that she hallucinated that she was seeing gigantic donuts floating past her, and maybe she'd even faint? What, then? That does not seem like a very productive walk, now does it?
So, she could take a snack with her. Maybe some peanuts, or almonds. Put them in her pocket, lace up her tennies, and hit the road. Even take an umbrella with her. Like the Uber Prepared Woman, or something. That could even be her super hero name.
But, what if she is walking along, enjoying the walk even, and she's snacking on her peanuts, and she gets almost to the store, when she realizes that she left her money at home! And now she is out of peanuts, and all she wants to do is get something to drink, she's so thirsty, and use the bathroom, but there is no facility around, and there's that stupid floating donut again!
"Hey, Donut! Woo-hoo, over here, Donut!"
"I could really use a hand, Donut!"
Rude donuts, who invited them on this walk anyway?
So, now she is talking to the imaginary floating donuts, and she has lost her umbrella, and she should have brought a backpack with, like, snacks, and a bottle of water inside, you know, so she would really be prepared, but she was trying to just, you know, WING IT, and be spontaneous, and enjoy the weather. Only it's raining, and she's thirsty, and broke! And she forgot her cell phone and her housekey on the kitchen counter.
Nice one, Mandy. Real nice.
So she's limping by this old guy, this old guy walking his weiner dog, and he seems friendly enough, like maybe he'd be willing to help a poor, dehydrated, unprepared girl, to protect her from the elements, from the big bad scary rainstorm, and let's not forget about the donuts, shall we?
"H-hey, Mister..."
"Mister, Mister... um .... are those donuts going my way?"
Lulu Goes to Biker Babes
Lulu was lost. She was not afraid to admit it.
OK, she was terrified. But she still admitted it. Are you happy?
Lulu was tired, and dirty, and lost. She hadn't slept in days, hadn't showered in a week, and she didn't know where her backpack was. She didn't know where anything was.
So, she trudged. Trudged down the lonely highway. Tried to not think about the rain pouring down on her exhausted achy body. Tried to think happy thoughts. Just trudged.
Cars would pass, but no one would respond to her signals for a ride. Resembling a drowned rat surely didn't help the situation. But, where were people's hearts anyway? She was already down, and every car that zipped by felt like a kick to her ribs. Not knowing what else to do, she trudged.
How the hell did she get herself into this mess anyway? She recalled being happy, living her "dream life", but when was that? Months ago? Years ago? Days ago? It could have been decades for all she knew. Her lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of anything reasonable skewed her memories, skewed her logic, hampered her thinking. Thinking, hah. Lulu wasn't even attempting thinking at this point.
And yet, no matter how she tried, her mind drifted back to that night. That now infamous, but only to her, night. The one where she could have just kept her mouth shut. She could have accepted that they were not going to rent a movie, even though it was their anniversary, even though her boyfriend had promised, even though she had come through on her side of the deal and had gone to work with him for eight hours, in spite of the fact that she had been sick for a week and wasn't feeling that well. Lulu knew how much it meant to her boyfriend to support him in his work, so she was there. She had asked for a walk together, and to watch a movie together. The hours rolled by, and she grew tired. She didn't press the walk. On the way home, he asked her if she needed anything. She asked for rice pudding. He held her hand in the dairy aisle. Back in the car, she asked if they were still going to get a movie. He said yes. They stopped at the movie store, but the one she wanted was out. She asked if he wanted to pick something else out. He said he was pretty tired.
She could have just shut up at this point. But she could never do that. She just has to run her stupid mouth all the time. So she said she didn't get her side of the deal, their anniversary deal. And that she wished she hadn't gone with him to work. And she called him a liar. He started yelling at her. He never yelled. But this time, he yelled. He yelled that she wasted his entire morning, that his day was not productive because it was her fault, all kinds of other awful things that cut right to her heart. Back at home, he got out of the car, and sat on the front porch, smoking. She bawled in the car, embarrassed to be so upset, but unable to quell the tears. After a few moments, she saw in the darkness the lit end of his cigarette. Something inside of her snapped. She felt a rage of a year's worth of suppressed feelings all coming together and overflowing. She got out of the car, left the door open. Walked over to him. Told him she wanted him out, that she did not want to live with him anymore. Said it quietly. Just as quietly, he responded, no problem.
Just like that.
Lulu yelled inside her brain to shut up. She stopped the rest of the events from replaying in her mind. What was the point? Would it change anything? Would it make him come back? Would it make them happy again?
Those were impossible things, Lulu knew that. And so, Lulu just trudged. Yelled at the loud thoughts in her brain telling her she had nothing to live for anymore. Told them to shut up.
Headlights approached, from the opposite direction this time, and Lulu stuck out her thumb. She didn't have any idea where she was going, didn't have anything to go to, so she didn't care if she went in the opposite direction. She was tired of the rain, tired of walking, just plain tired.
The car slowed for a second, then sped on by.
That felt almost worse than when they drove by so fast their tires splashed dirty water onto her.
Up ahead, Lulu thought she saw a light. She didn't know if it was real or not, if she was imagining it. It didn't seem like it belonged to a car, but she couldn't quite make out what kind of light it might be. She tried not to be too hopeful. She just put one foot in front of the other and tried to not think about the distant light. If she didn't go crazy in the process, she might be rewarded with something good. Heck, she might already be crazy, she wasn't sure anymore. If she was ever sure about that.
But no, the light did seem to be getting a bit closer, a bit brighter. This motivated Lulu to pick up her pace a bit, almost to a slow jog. She was beyond tears at this point, and yet if there was some kind of shelter up ahead, she just might cry again. It might not be helped.
Slowly she was able to make it out a bit more. It was a sign of some kind. The kind that belongs to 24-hour restaurants, used car lots, dive bars. She couldn't make out the words but she could see it had words on it. This felt like a positive thing.
Her boyfriend left, on foot. She went after him, pleaded for him to come back, said she was sorry, she made a mistake, she didn't want him to leave. He said he fell out of love with her and it was over and to go away. He didn't respond to half of what she said, and the other half involved yelling and swearing. She pulled over and got out of the car, asked if she could walk with him, talk with him. He took off running. Finally she called her mom. She knew she was acting crazy, letting her desperation get the best of her. She knew her mom would be a calming force.
Now Lulu could make out the word "Babes". That was the only word she could read, though she could see others on the sign. She felt this ruled out used car lot.
There was a time when they hugged, laughed, couldn't get enough of each other's lips, cuddled and talked until two in the morning. She had believed they would have this forever. She had believed he was her best friend, her soulmate. He turned on her so fast that she is still in denial about it. Trudging down the road, drenched and filthy, Lulu alternates between the belief that this is just a bad dream and that he will change his mind. Every so often, even though she thought she was out of tears long ago, she breaks into sobs at the realization, as if for the first time, that he is really gone, that he is not coming back, that what they had is nothing now, it is broken, and unfixable.
She has nothing, and she wants nothing. Nothing but that which she cannot have. And thus her life is meaningless. Except for the sign up ahead. Remembering where she is, she looks up at the sign again, and is surprised to find it much closer now. "Biker Babes", it reads. A biker bar.
The biker bar shined like a beacon of salvation. Lulu almost felt like she belonged somewhere. She quickened her pace again, and hoped for the best. She shoved her broken heart to the back of her mind and forced herself to focus on the possibilities that lay before her.
OK, she was terrified. But she still admitted it. Are you happy?
Lulu was tired, and dirty, and lost. She hadn't slept in days, hadn't showered in a week, and she didn't know where her backpack was. She didn't know where anything was.
So, she trudged. Trudged down the lonely highway. Tried to not think about the rain pouring down on her exhausted achy body. Tried to think happy thoughts. Just trudged.
Cars would pass, but no one would respond to her signals for a ride. Resembling a drowned rat surely didn't help the situation. But, where were people's hearts anyway? She was already down, and every car that zipped by felt like a kick to her ribs. Not knowing what else to do, she trudged.
How the hell did she get herself into this mess anyway? She recalled being happy, living her "dream life", but when was that? Months ago? Years ago? Days ago? It could have been decades for all she knew. Her lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of anything reasonable skewed her memories, skewed her logic, hampered her thinking. Thinking, hah. Lulu wasn't even attempting thinking at this point.
And yet, no matter how she tried, her mind drifted back to that night. That now infamous, but only to her, night. The one where she could have just kept her mouth shut. She could have accepted that they were not going to rent a movie, even though it was their anniversary, even though her boyfriend had promised, even though she had come through on her side of the deal and had gone to work with him for eight hours, in spite of the fact that she had been sick for a week and wasn't feeling that well. Lulu knew how much it meant to her boyfriend to support him in his work, so she was there. She had asked for a walk together, and to watch a movie together. The hours rolled by, and she grew tired. She didn't press the walk. On the way home, he asked her if she needed anything. She asked for rice pudding. He held her hand in the dairy aisle. Back in the car, she asked if they were still going to get a movie. He said yes. They stopped at the movie store, but the one she wanted was out. She asked if he wanted to pick something else out. He said he was pretty tired.
She could have just shut up at this point. But she could never do that. She just has to run her stupid mouth all the time. So she said she didn't get her side of the deal, their anniversary deal. And that she wished she hadn't gone with him to work. And she called him a liar. He started yelling at her. He never yelled. But this time, he yelled. He yelled that she wasted his entire morning, that his day was not productive because it was her fault, all kinds of other awful things that cut right to her heart. Back at home, he got out of the car, and sat on the front porch, smoking. She bawled in the car, embarrassed to be so upset, but unable to quell the tears. After a few moments, she saw in the darkness the lit end of his cigarette. Something inside of her snapped. She felt a rage of a year's worth of suppressed feelings all coming together and overflowing. She got out of the car, left the door open. Walked over to him. Told him she wanted him out, that she did not want to live with him anymore. Said it quietly. Just as quietly, he responded, no problem.
Just like that.
Lulu yelled inside her brain to shut up. She stopped the rest of the events from replaying in her mind. What was the point? Would it change anything? Would it make him come back? Would it make them happy again?
Those were impossible things, Lulu knew that. And so, Lulu just trudged. Yelled at the loud thoughts in her brain telling her she had nothing to live for anymore. Told them to shut up.
Headlights approached, from the opposite direction this time, and Lulu stuck out her thumb. She didn't have any idea where she was going, didn't have anything to go to, so she didn't care if she went in the opposite direction. She was tired of the rain, tired of walking, just plain tired.
The car slowed for a second, then sped on by.
That felt almost worse than when they drove by so fast their tires splashed dirty water onto her.
Up ahead, Lulu thought she saw a light. She didn't know if it was real or not, if she was imagining it. It didn't seem like it belonged to a car, but she couldn't quite make out what kind of light it might be. She tried not to be too hopeful. She just put one foot in front of the other and tried to not think about the distant light. If she didn't go crazy in the process, she might be rewarded with something good. Heck, she might already be crazy, she wasn't sure anymore. If she was ever sure about that.
But no, the light did seem to be getting a bit closer, a bit brighter. This motivated Lulu to pick up her pace a bit, almost to a slow jog. She was beyond tears at this point, and yet if there was some kind of shelter up ahead, she just might cry again. It might not be helped.
Slowly she was able to make it out a bit more. It was a sign of some kind. The kind that belongs to 24-hour restaurants, used car lots, dive bars. She couldn't make out the words but she could see it had words on it. This felt like a positive thing.
Her boyfriend left, on foot. She went after him, pleaded for him to come back, said she was sorry, she made a mistake, she didn't want him to leave. He said he fell out of love with her and it was over and to go away. He didn't respond to half of what she said, and the other half involved yelling and swearing. She pulled over and got out of the car, asked if she could walk with him, talk with him. He took off running. Finally she called her mom. She knew she was acting crazy, letting her desperation get the best of her. She knew her mom would be a calming force.
Now Lulu could make out the word "Babes". That was the only word she could read, though she could see others on the sign. She felt this ruled out used car lot.
There was a time when they hugged, laughed, couldn't get enough of each other's lips, cuddled and talked until two in the morning. She had believed they would have this forever. She had believed he was her best friend, her soulmate. He turned on her so fast that she is still in denial about it. Trudging down the road, drenched and filthy, Lulu alternates between the belief that this is just a bad dream and that he will change his mind. Every so often, even though she thought she was out of tears long ago, she breaks into sobs at the realization, as if for the first time, that he is really gone, that he is not coming back, that what they had is nothing now, it is broken, and unfixable.
She has nothing, and she wants nothing. Nothing but that which she cannot have. And thus her life is meaningless. Except for the sign up ahead. Remembering where she is, she looks up at the sign again, and is surprised to find it much closer now. "Biker Babes", it reads. A biker bar.
The biker bar shined like a beacon of salvation. Lulu almost felt like she belonged somewhere. She quickened her pace again, and hoped for the best. She shoved her broken heart to the back of her mind and forced herself to focus on the possibilities that lay before her.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Why Do We Fight
Why do we fight for our lives
When we admit we aren't happy
When we strive for the unreachable
When nothing we do makes any sense
What's our drive
What's our purpose
What motivates us
You never need anyone's approval
Except for your own
I think everyone
Strives for that kind of inner stability
I know I do
What do we learn
If we even learn it
That is new from the last generation
Of people
That makes our lives meaningful
And even if we do learn it
We die in the end
So what is the point
Why do we fight
Yet we do
Something drives us
For some reason
Even when
Things couldn't get worse
Even when
The pain is unbearable
Even then
We don't want to die
We just want the pain to stop
We just want to get better
If we're honest with ourselves
Humans,
I don't understand
We're strange
We believe in God
Or we don't
It doesn't make an actual difference
As long as we
Get out of bed everyday
And try, try again
It's OK if we think the sky is purple
And that a polka-dotted dragon
Created everything
If that is what motivates us
If that is what "floats our boat"
I guess I don't have the answers
To my nagging question
Why do we fight
We may never truly know
But we will keep on fighting
Anyway
It's who we are
We are fighters
We are humans
It's synonymous
It's interchangeable
It's repetitive
It's meant to be
It is life
It is a circle
It's synonymous
It's interchangeable
It's repetitive
That's why we fight
When we admit we aren't happy
When we strive for the unreachable
When nothing we do makes any sense
What's our drive
What's our purpose
What motivates us
You never need anyone's approval
Except for your own
I think everyone
Strives for that kind of inner stability
I know I do
What do we learn
If we even learn it
That is new from the last generation
Of people
That makes our lives meaningful
And even if we do learn it
We die in the end
So what is the point
Why do we fight
Yet we do
Something drives us
For some reason
Even when
Things couldn't get worse
Even when
The pain is unbearable
Even then
We don't want to die
We just want the pain to stop
We just want to get better
If we're honest with ourselves
Humans,
I don't understand
We're strange
We believe in God
Or we don't
It doesn't make an actual difference
As long as we
Get out of bed everyday
And try, try again
It's OK if we think the sky is purple
And that a polka-dotted dragon
Created everything
If that is what motivates us
If that is what "floats our boat"
I guess I don't have the answers
To my nagging question
Why do we fight
We may never truly know
But we will keep on fighting
Anyway
It's who we are
We are fighters
We are humans
It's synonymous
It's interchangeable
It's repetitive
It's meant to be
It is life
It is a circle
It's synonymous
It's interchangeable
It's repetitive
That's why we fight
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